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December 30th, 2008
 | 04:07 pm - Few notes - There was the unbelievable experience of losing everything that was saved at my home PC: a nasty bug destroyed its HD – years of my life went away in less that 24 hours!! I think it was a Trojan horse, and the guys couldn’t repair it. Can you imagine all Oz stuff who disappeared, QaF stuff… all my photos… and fics… and songs… and office stuff (in fact I believe I brought the Trojan from office!!)… it was shocking, and I still have flashes of things that disappeared. It was another 2008 bad moment… but at least I had something saved on CDs and diskettes and could restore part of my "treasure". However when I remember some fics that will be never found again... *cries*
- maddiec24 and pride_of_erin are so cute, they send me real Christmas cards!! Girls, you're so nice, thanks for that, and I hope you've had a wonderful night. Mine wasn't all that special, but at least I was at home, with my family, so it was ok.
- I hadn't told you but I've got this week off, so I'm away from office... well, I'm still working through e-mails. It's a blessing not having bought a notebook, lol I'm at Niterói and will stay here until January 16th, the next two weeks I'll be working at a museum here - mega boss orders, and who am I to say "no" to him? :) It's always wonderful to be close to my friends and at my hometown again, even if it means not having regular internet access. Well, what can I say? Have a wonderful 2009, all of you, and I'll try to write again asap!! Current Mood: content
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 | 04:00 pm - Working girl The fact is that, despite salary’s rise, I’ve been tired most part of time, just wanting to sleep as soon as I’m at home - and of course my pendrive is always full of projects to continue at home. I try hard not to stay at office after 6 p.m. (or before 9 a.m.) and not to bring projects to work at home, it never happens and I wonder if it’s an healthy life. I’ve been feeling head and back aches frequently, I’m always worried during business trips because many things happen when I’m not at office, which mean more work to do when I’m finally back… my parents finally noticed that and maybe that’s why they decided it’s time to go back to Niterói. Explaining: despite of everything I had my entire month vacation and traveled with parents to Niterói. Bitch boss couldn’ t believe when I told I was going to take the entire month, but I just did it. Well, I was reading my emails everyday and was still working until one day mega boss send me a message to do something – then I stopped reading emails, lol
It was such a wonderful time that my mother was convinced she also misses the city, the family… all of them, and our friends, were quite happy to have us there again, we were invited for lunchs and dinners all the time, it seemed everybody wanted to spend time with us. I can move back legally at May 29th, but if mega boss decides to be a good person he can pull the strings to send me back as soon as possible – although I doubt he’ll do that. Anyway we decided to move back, and guess what? My parents bought a new apartment at Niterói, that’s where we’re going to live. We’d been looking for a house or an apartment at Brasília, but they’re too expensive while at Niterói they’re a little cheaper. So we decided to read ads just to see if there was a nice offer, and there it was: 3-bedroom apartment, in an old building (which means there’s enough space, apartments at new building are ridiculous small!), parking lot, close to the beach, bus stops close to it, and a very reasonable price. They had enough money at their saving accounts, so it was bought. My mother has a friend whose ex-husband is an engineer, and he found some guys to remodelate it a little. Now it has blue walls (our personal fetish, *g*), white floor tiles, white tiles bathrooms and kitchen, and etc… I’ll take pictures from there soon so you'll see how it's looking like.
And do you want to know a funny thing? As soon as people from Rio museums knew I was looking for a place to work they started to phone and email me, offering a position! Mega boss and bitch boss know that and are very unpleased. So far there are four museums wanting me, and I’ve already made my decision, but I still have to wait for his decision. I want to be part of National Historical Museum crew, it’s a very old and respected institution, and I know people there work without too much pressure and stress, which would be a relief. But as I said before I’ve to wait mega boss decision… or wait until May 29th, when I’ll be able to tell him to go fuck himself and go back to Niterói. Current Mood: blah
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 | 03:37 pm - Well, well, well... It's been a looooooooong time since I last posted here (it was May, wasn't it?). God, free time for myself has become a luxury and it's one of the things that made me sad about living and working at Brasília – it’s seems that all my time is dedicated to work, no matter if I’m at office or at home. Yeah, it's official: I'm one of those people who dream about being at office and wake up thinking about tasks that will have to be done that day at office...
There are no excuses for it, I should have tried harder to keep in touch with all of you, but again many things happened this year. Let's see: one of my bosses, in fact a very good friend, commited suicide at July 6th, and it started a series of events that included me being given his cubicle, part of his tasks and part of his salary. It also included several business trips, which were nice sometimes, thank God!
And then everybody at office had to deal with his death and also with the news that the other manager was going to leave us, he was going to move to another state with his family… so his tasks were also divided among all of us. Needless to say I’ve been tired most part of time, and although I try hard not to stay at office after 6 p.m. (or before 9 a.m.) and not to bring projects to work at home, it became my reality in a blink.
The cherry of the cake was my home PC being killed by a nasty bug that destroyed its HD…
The good news: despite of everything I managed to have my entire month vacation, traveled with parents to Niterói and it was such a wonderful time that we decided to move back to there as soon as possible… they even bought a new apartment there, that’s where we’re going to live as soon as possible!!!
I know, too many news, I'll try to talk about each of them... Current Mood: blank
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May 4th, 2008
 | 01:18 am - And I'm sorry ... because I missed birthdays: I hope winthrop, jaelle_n_gilla, dargie, aswanargent and rileyc had had wonderful days and may God bless them all!!
( Birthday girls, these flowers are for you! ) By the way I've to say thank you to aswanargent for sending me an Easter card and to penalty for reminding my own birthday with such a funny card!! Current Mood: blah
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January 20th, 2008
 | 09:30 pm - B-day!!
maverick4oz, I hope you're having a wonderful day, and I wish you a great year - you totally deserve that!! Current Mood: tired
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January 14th, 2008
 | 08:03 pm - Post in Portuguese Para todo mundo que estuda Direito ou está se preparando para algum(ns) concurso(s) público(s)... uma ajudinha para entender aqueles princípios e similares, rs
( Tudo o que você sempre quis saber sobre legislação e ninguém teve saco pra te explicar direito!!! ) Current Mood: amused
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January 11th, 2008
 | 02:09 pm I’m sure I hadn’t told you before but somehow me and my parents became addicted to House – it’s quite weird since they’re not the type to fall in love with TV shows. OK, they love soap operas but American TV shows are another story. Anyway, they watched an episode, then another one, and after some time my father gave me money to buy its seasons. Got it? My father had given money to buy the 3 seasons of a TV show. God, now I’ve seen all… he and me had already watched all episodes, but my mother still has a few to watch, and what’s the problem in watching one or another again? It’s funny to see them discussing House behaviour, Cuddy’s wardrobe, etc. And of course one of them always says Hugh Laurie line "Everybody lies". Me? Well, I enjoy the show but I don’t need another fandom so I’m keeping distance from anything fannish concerned to House, House/Wilson, House/Cuddy, House/any other character. Now my mother sees those "Brothers and sisters" commercials and sighs while saying, "We had never watched this show!". God, when my parents started liking TV series???? I’d never seen that coming!!! Current Mood: working
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 | 02:00 pm Hey kids! My mother is quite better concerning to grandmother’s death. Well, she has even been angry to her and they’re arguing – I mean, Mother says lots of things to us she’d be telling Grandma if she was alive, and she prays to God to let her listen to it wherever she is right now. Of course it’s all about my uncle as always. Grandma left two letters (written at 2000!!!), one for my mother and the other to my uncle, to be read after her death. We don’t know what she’d written on his, but on my mother’s she wrote a lot about family love and the pain and bad feelings surrounding family fights... and in the end asked Mother to take care of her brother. It was clear for me and Father since first time we’ve read it, but it took Mother a few days to realize that. Now she’s babbling about how he always had Grandma’s love, how he was her favourite kid and so on. God, she’s angry! It’ll pass eventually, but at least she’s not sad anymore. I only hope she’ll use her strength for better things than argue with dead people soon, *g*
Anyway I've been watching tons of "House" episodes, reading a little, cleaning my wardrobe in order to decide if I really need all the clothes there (guess what? A few old ones had to go to make room for new ones…), putting my hands on things that had belonged to my Grandma… most of her personal belongings such as clothes and shoes were given to charity, but now I have a nice bag (I remember the day she’d bought it, we were together at a Niterói’s mall and we decided together which of them she was going to buy), some jewelry that I’d bought for her, a heavy coat that probably I’ll never use (no way there’s cold weather around here to wear that!) – but what I really, really loved was her picture frame showing my Grandpa and great-grandparents. It was at her bedroom at Niterói for as long that I remember and I always loved looking at them. I asked her several times to leave that to me on her "will" and she used to laugh. Well, she did it, she left it written on that paper in which she divided many things between my mother and my uncle. In fact I was totally amused to hear my mother telling us how unpleased he looked when she picked it – they started to divide things at Grandma’s old apartment at Niterói when we spent few days there back in December, right before me and my father had arrived, it was just the two of them and his wife there. I think me and Father were doing something else close to the building. Mother told us he kept looking to Grandma’s list like he couldn’t believe she had left this or that to my mother instead of leaving said things for him. That’s unfair since she was quite solomonic on that list, both of them now have the same amount of nice things that had belonged to her. My cousin is probably furious: we’re not close but I know she’s really greedy and was surely thinking Grandma would leave her anything expensive. Well, Grandma left a wooden box to her, a pretty one but of course it’s not something of value, she won’t make money by selling it. I believe she won't keep it, she'd never accept something so simple and meaningful. And speaking frankly I think that Grandma had done that to have the last laugh, but what can I say? She had a sense of humour, lol Current Mood: working
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January 9th, 2008
January 7th, 2008
 | 09:48 pm - B-day!!
alinewrites, I hope you're having a great day!! May God bless you with health and love always!!! Current Mood: content
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January 1st, 2008
 | 11:01 am - Last Sunday at PostSecret I saw this card ( Card here ) Current Mood: calm
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December 31st, 2007
 | 08:05 pm - One last thing... We didn't have a very nice Christmas since we're still missing Grandma, and it seems this New Year's Eve won't be any better but at least we (me and my parents) are together. We'll have dinner and then watch TV in order to see fireworks everywhere. So I must go now, but I wish to you all a
 Current Mood: calm
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 | 07:55 pm - Roses for maddiec24 Maddie, I know you like them and right now we have many at my mother’s little garden. So I’m giving a few... virtually saying, of course, *g*
( Roses this way... ) Current Mood: calm
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 | 07:48 pm - My myomas are back... Oh yes... they’re back, those damned myomas. As many of you probably remember I’d removed 10 myomas at 2004, but they were seen during a ultrasonography last year. There were 3 of them, really small, and my gyno had already warned me that eventually they'd be back so I didn't pay too much attention. However, I knew I'd have to find myself a new gyno at Brasília. So I did that, and she asked me to have a new ultrasonography.
And there they were, four myomas, and one of them was quite big: 5 cm. Ok, it's not that big, but last year the three of them were about 3 cm, so one of them grew up 2 cm in just one year. Comparing to my past experience it was quite a bad surprise, since last time they grew like that along 3 years before the surgery, and now in one year one of them decided to grew in that speed!!!
I went back to her office to show results and guess what? Her first reaction was "Well, they're big, I think we should remove everything". I didn't understand: remove everything? What did she mean by "everything"? "Everything" includes my womb? Wait, was she intending to remove my womb too?????????????????????????? Hell, yes, that was her idea. She wasn't thinking in a simple myomectomy, she wanted an hysterectomy - WTF, the last time my wonderful gyno removed only the myomas and left my womb inside me!!! I started complaining that I don't have kids and maybe someday I'll want them - after all I'm only 35!!! Besides the myomas are outside the womb, which indicates the myomectomy wouldn't be that difficult to perform. She wasn't all that happy with my considerations but agreed that we should wait a little, also because my health insurance wouldn't pay this surgery right now, I'll have to wait until next May to have it - if it was something life-threatening they would pay, but myomas don't become a cancer, so I'll have to wait.
Whatever, we decided to wait and I left her office in a kind of trance. I mean, I went to supermarket to buy things Mother has asked me and drove home, but I don't remember doing that. During all that time I was thinking about having kids and how I never really paid attention to that, and how the possibility of losing my womb would prevent me of becoming pregnant. Well, suddenly I wanted to have my own baby, go figure.
After arriving home my parents wanted to know what she'd said, and I started crying while telling them the news. Mother wanted to go there and beat her to death for being so rude and suggesting the most radical procedure at first place, instead of thinking about all other possibilities. After that she phoned to my cousin, who once had a similar diagnosis but found a good doctor who kept her womb and removed only her myomas. She also found another 3 doctors who could help me to decided what to do.
It happened at October 1st, my very fist day of vacation, and obviously I saw it as a bad omen (well, Grandma’s situation kind of made it true). Anyway I went to just another gyno and really liked her because she's just like my Niterói doctor, a decent older woman who seems to know what she's doing and told me it wouldn't be necessary to remove the womb, she gave me some drugs that will make them grow slowly until next year, when I'll be able finally to remove them. She also said I'm too young, I'll have another 10 years to decide to have a baby or not, which made me very happy. Since they're outside the womb, and not inside, she didn't see any reason to remove the entire thing - just like my Niterói doctor said, I send her copies of test results and she told me the same thing.
I'm quite surprised with myself, I'd never really though about having kids but the simple idea of not being able to become pregnant was unbearable. I know that this life I'm leaving, without a real boyfriend/husband, won't get me pregnant anytime soon, so if I want a family I'll have to change it. In fact I'm a little afraid of becoming a mother, I don't know if I'd be a good one. Probably I'll never be a wonderful mother as mine is, and maybe that's what really scares me... Current Mood: worried
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 | 07:39 pm - Another photo ( Corte aqui ) Current Mood: sad
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 | 07:32 pm - Grandma's gone, part 2 It’s still quite unbelievable that she’s not here anymore. We knew she wouldn’t be better, in fact we thought she was just waiting my uncle’s visit now at Christmas and then she’d die, but it seems her body had other ideas. It was very fast: at December 12th she had her normal routine (breakfast, shower, lunch, etc.), but she wasn’t breathing really well. On previous Sunday (December 8th) she had a strong chest pain and we spent that day at hospital, but after several exams the doctors hadn’t discovered anything wrong so she was sent back home. At December 12th she wasn’t breathing well so my mother made her use the nebulizer at morning and afternoon. But after that 2nd time she wasn’t breathing better at all, she even told my mother that it was worse than before. Those were her last words: my mother had just gone to kitchen in order to clean nebulizer parts when it started, she said there were strange noises coming from Grandma’s bedroom, so she went there to see what was going on. Grandma’s was making those strange noises through her noise and my mother asked her what was happening. Grandma couldn’t answer her and suddely stopped the noise and stayed very still. Mother yelled for my father’s help, he phoned to an ambulance to come here. We have a neighbor who works as a nurse and they asked his help, but he couldn’t sense her heart beating. Ambulance came but there was nothing the guys could do. They gave her oxygen and those heart massages but she was already dead. It was around 4 p.m., and my father phoned me, telling she wasn’t well and that I should come home. When I arrived I was told the truth.
All of us cried a lot, but remained calm enough to deal with those details such as documents, funeral, phoning people... Mother tried to phone to my uncle, but he wasn’t at home. When he finally phoned back guess who had to give him the news? Me, since I was the one to pick the phone. Surprisingly he remained calm too, and he and his wife arrived here at following day to take part of funeral. The weirdest thing of all is that until now he hadn’t cried, and all of us were really expecting him to be the most devastated of us. People can shock you sometimes... there weren’t many people at her funeral, many relatives had wanted us to send her back to Niterói to be buried there, but it would have been extremely expensive so we did it here. There were us, my uncle and his wife, my father’s brother and his family, the women who took care of her, our cleaning ladies who really liked Grandma and some of my co-workers, who had already surprised me by sending flowers to her funeral. It was really nice to have them there, everybody had been listened to me talking about her for weeks and they were always very kind to me.
After that we spent few days at Niterói, Grandma had left a list in which she divided several of her personal belongings between my mother and uncle – and also to me and my cousin, his daughter. Of course my mother decided to take everything that would belong to her to our old apartment: books, cups, glasses, vases, that kind of things. My uncle decided to keep all her furniture, I never went to his new house but it seems he really needs all that stuff. There’s already a lawyer taking care of legal aspects, which include the selling of Grandma’s two apartments – the big one where she lived for about 40 years and a smaller one, where my uncle’s ex-wife and their daughter live. Dudes, that’s such a mess that I don’t even want to talk about, but let’s say his new wife is very angry because he’s going to buy my mother’s part of it in order to keep his ex there, while his ex and my cousin aren’t happy because they always thought he would have money enough to buy them a big apartment in a better neighborhood. Either way he’s fucked, he’s going to piss one of them and now he doesn’t have my Grandma’s financial and emotional support anymore.
It was good to see my city again, I’ve been missing it. There wasn’t enough time to do everything I’d want (just 2 ½ days before coming back), but I managed to see its streets again and it was more than enough – of course it was good being able to buy some clothes and shoes at my favorite shops while there, and me and mother also had time to give flowers to Iemanjá, the sea goddess, while we were there. Now we’re back and our routine isn’t the same, we were used to think about her needs all the time and things had changed. My parents had already "moved" to her bedroom, who has a private bathroom, which means now I’ve one all for me too (the old one that we three used to share). Her clothes and shoes were sent to poor people, although some things were kept by me and my mother. We still talk about her all the time, but there’s no pain while doing that, we’re quite sure that she’s fine, with my grandfather and all the dead relatives. Life goes on, as it seems.
( There's a photo here ) Current Mood: sad
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 | 07:09 pm - Grandma's gone Hi dudes, how are you? I know, I’ve been totally offline for a long time, and I do miss you all. I don’t know exactly how it happened, but fact is that my job ate my personal life since July. Of course I’m not happy about it, I mean, I like working there, there are several nice people around me, but money is never enough and I really miss having time for myself and those old, good days when I used to stop thinking about work as soon as I left office. During most part of 2006, since I started there, being an efficient employee was a serious issue and it still haunts me, I know I’m the compulsive little girl that can easily become a workaholic, and that’s the kind of shit that I really don’t need to be. So I tried hard to arrive at 9 a.m. and leave at 6 p.m. – no more long hours, right? Huh, I’m sorry to inform that it didn’t worked for more than a few days, but at least I tried...
My job wasn’t the only thing keeping me distant from LJ, though: my Grandma started having health problems at August and finally died last December 12nd from breathing insufficiency and cardiac failure. She went to hospital a few times during that period, and it was sad, it seems suddenly she really got old – I think it started last August, just before her 91th birthday at September 3rd. She was having trouble to walk, it was hard for her to make movements with her legs (sitting, standing up) but until that month she was pretty independent. Then one day it became much more difficult than before and there were other things too: she used to wake up at night to go to the bathroom, but when my mother (for the 1000th time) suggested that she should use diapers at least during nights she agreed - and not only at nights, but all time. It became clear it was difficult for her to wear everyday clothes, so she started using only her nightgowns and pajamas. And to our surprise she also started having a hard time eating and drinking by herself - I've to say we bought her a wheelchair, so she could go to kitchen and other places inside house and also if she had to go out, we could carry it at car. In the very end, however, she didn't want to leave her bedroom at all so all her meals were there.
Not being able to eat and drink by herself... it was a huge surprise, witnessing my grandmother becoming so dependent, she couldn't even comb her hair by herself anymore, her arms and hands were also weak and she trembled a lot with a comb (or any other thing) on her hands. Even scratching her nose was difficult... see, she was always a very independent person, worried about her appearance, she was always perfectly dressed on those old photos at family albuns, it was so weird to see her and so sad too...
She started talking about things and people she was seeing around her, things and people that weren't there. We knew it was a sign, probably she wouldn't live too much more time, and as we believe in life after death it shouldn't be a big deal. After all she'd be free of an old body which wasn't working perfectly anymore, and she'd be with our beloved ones who are already dead. But the idea of losing her wasn't easy, it was difficult even to think about it.
She had to use the nebulizer 2 or 3 times every day in order to breathe better. She also slept a lot, almost all the time, but frequently she said she hadn't slept at all. A nurse explained to us that's normal, old people tend to lose time perception a lot and 10 minutes can be considered a few hours and vice-versa. But she was always better at home than at hospitals: we could see she was afraid of unknown nurses and procedures, such as going to a pet scan, one of us (me or my parents, in fact my mother most part of time) had to stay with her all the time to reassure her she wasn't alone. At home it didn't happen, I think she knew she was safe, surrounded by us and the cleaning ladies who have been working here for a long time and are also missing her.
At hospitals she was always talking about nurses and doctors who weren't at her room, and also about long dead relatives. We believe she was seeing the dead souls of our beloved ones, and even a few souls who happened to enter her room at hospital. More than once, when I wasn't there, she insisted that I was at room but that I was much taller, and we (me and my mother) think she was talking about my dead sister Luciana - she was born with breathing problems and couldn't survive more than one day back at 1979, but my mother uses to dream of her as a young woman who looks a lot like me. She'd be 28 now, if she was alive, but I think she's always around us, and probably she was around in order to help Grandma too.
At some point my mother realized we would need more help with her – my vacation was at October, so I was at home but there was that day when me and my father had to make copies of my car keys, and we also needed to buy a new part for it. Sorry, I don't know its name, it's just a plastic part but it was needed, so as I was with enough free time we thought we could do that today. I was planning to do few other things too, but hadn't said a word about it at home. Anyway, about two hours later Mother phoned to urge us to come back: Grandma was needing to go to the bathroom and she needed me to help her to put Grandma on her hygienic wheelchair. It was a little frustrating not being able to do everything I wanted, but in a way it was good so Mother could realize that soon I'd be working again and she'd really need somebody else to help her. We hired 4 women indicated by friends and nurses to do that, they were very nice to Grandma and helped my mother a lot, since she was getting really tired. They were here everyday from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. and kept her company when my parents had to go out for some reason (buying groceries, going to the bank, etc.). They helped her during her shower (in fact they did all the work, since Grandma couldn’t do that by herself anymore), fed her, changed her diapers along the day... at evenings I was at home so they weren’t needed, there was this neighbor of us, a very decent lady who came here every evening to change her with me – yes, Grandma wasn’t fat but she was heavy enough to make somebody’s back screams of pain from time to time... Current Mood: sad
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July 13th, 2007
 | 11:22 am
doctorevel posted about this Tom Fontana's amazing interview - can you believe we're celebrating 10 years of Oz? (on a more personal note I should add that just now I realize 2007 means many "celebrating a decade of", but I digress...) It was quite curious to read Tom's comments about how Chris and Lee chemistry made him write the whole B/K story after the gym episode:
He says that seeing Meloni and Tergesen in a fake romance was what inspired him to make it a real one: "The Keller/Beecher thing really grew out of the dynamic between the two actors, Chris and Lee, in the sense that my original intention was simply for Keller to be a classic sexual predator, using the Beecher character. But the chemistry between the two actors onscreen was such that I went, 'Well wait a minute, there's more here and it's much more interesting than anything that I would have conceived of.' [...] It was exciting to see the dynamic between them, so that's why I stayed with that story in terms of Beecher 's development as a character."
Part of the chemistry between the two actors came from the extent to which they invested themselves in their roles, so that even in their unscripted moments they were believable as two men in love. In fact, over the next four seasons, some of their most memorable moments would be wordless: Keller casually running his hand over Beecher's arm; the look in Beecher's eyes when he goes in to visit Keller in hospital after he has been injured; Beecher anxiously running his fingers through his hair before going in to see Keller for the first time after a long separation. The way Keller pauses for a moment before turning around when Beecher says his name.
(that's the part in which I wonder why all movies' directors at universe aren't fighting to have Chris and Lee working for them, they have real Talent, dudes!!!!)
However, luci_2 commented at TS list that HBO should celebrate it since our favorite show was the beginning of a new era on TV. I doubt they'll do that, but I've been listening George Michael again and there's this song of him, Cowboys and Angels, I just love it and it has these great final verses
Take this man to your bed Maybe his hands will help you forget Please be stronger than your past The future may still give you a chance
Does they inspire anybody to write or manip? C'mon, my talented friends, you know you're dying to create something!! *g* (and of course it can be used to other fandoms, if that suits you...)
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July 11th, 2007
 | 09:58 pm - Two birthdays!! I know, I'm late - callmerizzo and Lee Tergesen had their birthdays and I did nothing to celebrate!! Rizzo, I'm sorry, but I hope you'd had a great day, and let Lee make it all better, *g*
( Lee behind cut ) Current Mood: weird
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