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Apr. 14th, 2006

Another disappointing thing: I realized some of my friends are pretty pissed because I’ll be working at Brasília, maybe because I’ll be closer to decisions center than them. It’s weird and also sad, since I always tried to be out of professional shit – you know, people having issues with each other, gossips about influences and favours, the need of a master degree to be socially respected among other museum workers... during a long time I wasn’t sure if I was going to work at museums or not so I didn’t feel the need of a master degree (but I applied for a master degree in History anyway few years ago, unfortunately my project wasn’t approved). And I’m the kind of person pretty adaptable, I can be happy doing many things as long I’m well paid for that. I think that’s what’s really pissing people, most of them know that I hadn’t chosen Brasília for professional reasons, I don’t need to be there to satisfy any ambition or something like that. It was my choice because I liked the city, I’ve relatives there and I thought it’d be nice to live there.
I never, never intended to be the best professional of my area – it’s funny but that’s something I always thought about since I was a teen, I never wanted to be the best of my area but a hard worker, with enough money to live with comfort. I was never ambitious, being the best wasn’t part of my plans – hey, I just wanted enough money, then I could look for happiness out of job, traveling, buying books, going out with friends and family... I’ve several relatives who never used their college diplomas - they graduated, couldn’t find jobs in their areas and so moved to other jobs, and all of them are quite happy. I know it can be frustrating for many people but it’s not for them and not for me. I’m happy because I’ll be using my college diploma but I’d be happy working somewhere else, as long as I’d have a decent salary.
A friend commented about other friends who had met recently, and it seems they’d talked about me and Brasília, how it was totally *unexpected*, nobody never imagine I’d want to work there... It bothered me a lot, it seemed as I shouldn’t be going to there since I was never interested in museum politics... I’m still not interested but damnit, I had a good grade on that test so I have the right to go there! What can I do if other people more ambitious than me didn’t have better grades? I’m sorry for them, but that job will be mine. It doesn’t change the fact that I’m sad about people’s comments.
One of the guys who made those comments also commented about my weight. According to the person who told me that he’s still telling people I’m not that thinner than before – he’d done it in the past, first time we met after my surgery he said I didn’t seem to had lost too much weight, while seizing me. I remember people who were with us on that occasion said he must be nuts or blind. There was another occasion when I was using a very nice pink blouse I’d just bought and first thing that guy said was that the blouse made me look fatter. Needless to say that I never feel comfortable wearing it again, always thinking I’m fatter just because I’m wearing it. And I’m feeling fatter just because he’d commented about my weight, which is something very annoying during Easter week. There are chocolates everywhere I go and just breathing in places with them make me feel guilty, ugly and fat. I’m sure this guy’s one of the “friends” who think I shouldn’t go to Brasília, maybe I could work somewhere else especially fit for unambitious people...
I hate when it happens, I’m an adult woman but comments like those ones still hurt me a lot, I should know by now how to not let it happen. I try to understand people’s reason for saying things like those, maybe they don’t really notice what they’re doing but fact is that they hurt my feelings saying shit like that. I’m kind of relieved I won’t meet any of them for a long time but there’s a part of me who wanted to go have a pizza with them before traveling, they are my friends and I wanted to say goodbye before going. There’s another part of me, though, that’s saying I don’t need to be anywhere near people who dare to hurt me, especially because I always tried to not be offensive with any of them. I don’t know if they know how offensive those comments were, but right now I don’t want to think in going out with them.

Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
maddiec24
Apr. 15th, 2006 03:20 am (UTC)
Well, this guy is obviously insane. You look great - - I have photographic proof! I understand you being torn between wanting to see your friends before you leave, and *not* wanting to see them. Sounds like they're jealous when they should be happy for you.
adrianabr
Apr. 17th, 2006 05:24 am (UTC)
See, I can't believe he and the other ones know what they've been doing, after all we've been friends for almost 15 years. But the small things, the little comments, sometimes they hurt. Anyway I'll be distant from all this shit very soon, meeting new people, and it'll be a very good thing.
soitg0es
Apr. 15th, 2006 12:00 pm (UTC)
I'm getting worked up just reading this, so I can imagine how you must be feeling. Your 'friends' suck, I'm not sorry to say. It's plain envy, that's what it is. Which reminds me of a song: "Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind...the race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself." (You know I'm compulsive like that. *g*)
Anyway. You should take into consideration that it's just human nature and not let it get to you that much. (And the song continues: "Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how." See? VERY appropriate. *sigh*)
I don't know what to say about that guy -- except note the obvious: that he's not only stupid blind but mean and evil, too. *kicks him for you*
adrianabr
Apr. 17th, 2006 05:26 am (UTC)
Hee, I'll be fine.
"Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how." - loved this part, if only I knew how to do that... anyway, I'll be out of here very soon, meeting new people, making new friends, changing my life (for better, I hope!), and I won't have to deal with this shit for a long time, and that's great!
soitg0es
Apr. 17th, 2006 09:27 am (UTC)
That's the spirit! :-)
aswanargent
Apr. 15th, 2006 10:19 pm (UTC)
Aw, hon, I'm sorry. It does sound like your friends are jealous; try not to let it bother you too much. Just remember that lots of people *points to your flist* are truly happy for you. *hugs*
adrianabr
Apr. 17th, 2006 05:28 am (UTC)
I love my flist, *g*
Seriously, most part of time this kind of comments don't bother me too much but as I've been too anxious recently it got me hard. Anyway things will change soon, there'll be the moving, meeting new people, making friends... these moments will be left behind and I'll have more important things to occupy my mind!
(Deleted comment)
adrianabr
Apr. 17th, 2006 05:31 am (UTC)
My flist rocks, *g*
Yeah, ignoring is the best thing to be done - I'll be distant from these people very soon, starting a new life, things will change. Of course I still like them, they've been my friends for 15 years and I'll try hard to not let those comments make me forget nice moments we had in the past, but right now I'm not in the mood to meet them for one more time before moving!
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )