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My myomas are back...

Oh yes... they’re back, those damned myomas. As many of you probably remember I’d removed 10 myomas at 2004, but they were seen during a ultrasonography last year. There were 3 of them, really small, and my gyno had already warned me that eventually they'd be back so I didn't pay too much attention. However, I knew I'd have to find myself a new gyno at Brasília. So I did that, and she asked me to have a new ultrasonography.

And there they were, four myomas, and one of them was quite big: 5 cm. Ok, it's not that big, but last year the three of them were about 3 cm, so one of them grew up 2 cm in just one year. Comparing to my past experience it was quite a bad surprise, since last time they grew like that along 3 years before the surgery, and now in one year one of them decided to grew in that speed!!!

I went back to her office to show results and guess what? Her first reaction was "Well, they're big, I think we should remove everything". I didn't understand: remove everything? What did she mean by "everything"? "Everything" includes my womb? Wait, was she intending to remove my womb too?????????????????????????? Hell, yes, that was her idea. She wasn't thinking in a simple myomectomy, she wanted an hysterectomy - WTF, the last time my wonderful gyno removed only the myomas and left my womb inside me!!! I started complaining that I don't have kids and maybe someday I'll want them - after all I'm only 35!!! Besides the myomas are outside the womb, which indicates the myomectomy wouldn't be that difficult to perform. She wasn't all that happy with my considerations but agreed that we should wait a little, also because my health insurance wouldn't pay this surgery right now, I'll have to wait until next May to have it - if it was something life-threatening they would pay, but myomas don't become a cancer, so I'll have to wait.

Whatever, we decided to wait and I left her office in a kind of trance. I mean, I went to supermarket to buy things Mother has asked me and drove home, but I don't remember doing that. During all that time I was thinking about having kids and how I never really paid attention to that, and how the possibility of losing my womb would prevent me of becoming pregnant. Well, suddenly I wanted to have my own baby, go figure.

After arriving home my parents wanted to know what she'd said, and I started crying while telling them the news. Mother wanted to go there and beat her to death for being so rude and suggesting the most radical procedure at first place, instead of thinking about all other possibilities. After that she phoned to my cousin, who once had a similar diagnosis but found a good doctor who kept her womb and removed only her myomas. She also found another 3 doctors who could help me to decided what to do.

It happened at October 1st, my very fist day of vacation, and obviously I saw it as a bad omen (well, Grandma’s situation kind of made it true). Anyway I went to just another gyno and really liked her because she's just like my Niterói doctor, a decent older woman who seems to know what she's doing and told me it wouldn't be necessary to remove the womb, she gave me some drugs that will make them grow slowly until next year, when I'll be able finally to remove them. She also said I'm too young, I'll have another 10 years to decide to have a baby or not, which made me very happy. Since they're outside the womb, and not inside, she didn't see any reason to remove the entire thing - just like my Niterói doctor said, I send her copies of test results and she told me the same thing.

I'm quite surprised with myself, I'd never really though about having kids but the simple idea of not being able to become pregnant was unbearable. I know that this life I'm leaving, without a real boyfriend/husband, won't get me pregnant anytime soon, so if I want a family I'll have to change it. In fact I'm a little afraid of becoming a mother, I don't know if I'd be a good one. Probably I'll never be a wonderful mother as mine is, and maybe that's what really scares me...


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 1st, 2008 06:27 am (UTC)
I'm glad you got a second opinion about this. I understand your reluctance to have such a radical procedure when you're so young. Take care of yourself. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you.
Jan. 1st, 2008 02:15 pm (UTC)
I can't understand why 1st doctor said that, since every doctor I talked about it told me it'd be possible to remove myomas and keep my womb. They're growing outside it, so it won't be very difficult to remove them. Of course there's always the possibility of having them back after some time, as it's already happening, but it's much less radical than to remove everything just to prevent them to come back definitely!! Anyway I'm liking the 2nd gyno a lot, she gave me some pills that are already working: the biggest myoma, I could feel it while taking a shower, it's under the scar left from 1st myomectomy (like a C-section scar), and it was bigger than now, when I have to look for something if I want to feel it. I mean, before those pills I could "touch" it, but now I can't do that, I've to look for it with my fingers - it's getting smaller or not growing so fast anymore, which relieved me a lot!!
Jan. 1st, 2008 10:25 am (UTC)
What can I say: before surgery always get a second opinion.
I can relate. I had myomas removed in May, plus one ovary because of a cyst. Last month my gyno told me there are more myomas and the other ovary looks as cystic as the first. Contrary to yours, he tells me to keep calm and just watch it. He does not see any reason for surgery right now, even though the cyst and the myomas are larger than the ones they extracted in May. Weird. Two doctors, two different opinions on what should be taken out or kept in.

I hope after some consideration your gyno will see reason. It is very unusual (at least over here) to do a total if the woman did not have kids yet and possibly wants some later. They would try to save the organs as long as possible, even if that means multiple surgery over years. I had to explicitly say "yes, take the whole ovary - I'd rather risk no children than some left-over possible cancer". It turned out it wasn't cancer, so *pfew*.

Still, I hope you get a gyno who is more reasonable and I hope you don't have to go through surgery or only a little one *hugs*

And, I'm sorry about your gran! *more hugs* I hope 2008 is better than 2007n was on you.
Jan. 1st, 2008 02:26 pm (UTC)
I'm liking the 2nd gyno a lot, her opinion helped me to calm and I'm taking the pills - they're working, I could feel the biggest myoma during my showers and now it seems it's smaller or not growing so fast, I have to actually look for it with my fingers if I want to feel it (it's under my 1st myomectomy scar). But that was quite a shock to hear to 1st gyno opinion about removing the entire womb, maybe it'd be easier for her but c'mon, what kind of doctor prefer to remove a organ instead of taking care it for some time and try to heal it? I didn't like her attitude at all, just like my mother, who still wants to go there and punch her, lol
And thanks for your words about my grandma, she's very missed - a friend told me that when we have nice grandparents and they die it's like losing part of our childhoods forever. I think that's quite accurate, since she was a wonderful grandmother, she helped my parents a lot and helped to raise me. I remember going to her home after school and staying there until my parents could leave their jobs and drive me home, she always cooked delicious foods and helped me with homework. She also bought me several child books and always listened to me, even now: I used to go to her bedroom at evenings and talk to her about my day at office. There was a time in which I'd lay beside her on her bed, she used to make room for me, but on last months she didn't have the strenght to do that anymore so I'd just sit close to her and talk. Girl, I miss those moments a lot!!
Jan. 1st, 2008 02:39 pm (UTC)
I know it's little help, but just think what a good life she must have had with your love around her. I know how it feels to loose and miss a grandparent. I wish I'd had more time with mine before they passed away. I'm glad you have those memories. The pain gets better after a while, but the happy memories stay forever.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )