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Fic: Aftertaste

Hey people, I wrote a fic! Now it's true, it has 1,047 words, a record to me!!! Anyway that's my first time writing from Keller POV, and I hope you don't think it sucks so much...

Title: Aftertaste
Author: Adriana B.
Rated: NC-17
Disclaimers: all of them belong to Tom Fontana, and I envy him for that!
Archived: wherever you want, just tell me, please
Feedback: here or privately (kellergirlbr@yahoo.com.br)
Summary: Beecher watched Keller being blown by Cramer (if you're arriving now it’d happened here: http://www.livejournal.com/users/adrianabr/58732.html#cutid1). Well, Keller saw Beecher watching him. That's all.
Notes: I thought "Tasting" was a stand alone ficlet, but my ChrisMuse threatened to break my neck if I didn't let her talk her version of the facts! If you look closely you'll find sentences I used on my previous story. Oh yes, it also belongs to my "Five Senses" little universe, just like "Watching" and “Tasting” – wait for another three ficlets soon (well, not *so* soon...)
Nerina named and edited this ficlet – thanks, sweetie!! If you hadn't helped me I’d still be calling it my untitled baby.
To Lucinda, my dear Portuguese girl – you know why, darling!


So there you are, watching this bitch blow me. Nice change, huh, Toby? I didn’t expect you, though. Why aren’t you at Sister Pete office? Were you looking for me? Huh-huh, I don’t think so, there’s something in your eyes telling me you weren’t expecting to find me here. Anyway I don’t give a damn, you can stay and watch the show, it’s for free. Just for you, baby.

This guy has a great mouth, probably has lots of practice – you should give him a try. But he’s not like you. I miss your mouth, Toby. The taste of your lips... do you remember our first kiss? I was drunk, but I remember that moment perfectly. You had an open expression, a little shy but brave at same time. I didn’t move, I couldn’t move, you had to come to me, you had to *want* to be touched, to be kissed, to be held... or Vern’s plan wouldn’t work at all.

And then there were tenderness, affection, love, lust... it didn’t last, it wasn’t enough, just a brief moment, and then we were separated, too soon. In the hole I had enough time to think about it over and over again, to revive your taste on my lips, your waist in my hands, your hands on my shoulders. I always liked the feeling of another body crushed under mine but yours... just the memory of that kiss, something about you, rises goose-bumps all over my skin. And I kept recalling it all the time I was locked there.

Yeah, this bitch knows his job. Don't look so hurt, Toby, it’s mainly a physical thing. You should know that, you’ve been fooling around with those guys and everybody saw it, even your good friend Said. I’m sure he gave you a lecture about damnation and hell, huh? Let me tell you a secret, he knows nothing about it. Hell is watching you, listening to you, smelling you and not being able to taste or touch you. Hell is understanding you’re so near and yet so far away. Hell is not having you, Toby.

Wow... Cramer really knows how to use his tongue. You had to learn it too or wouldn’t survive in Vern’s hands, but by my side you learnt to appreciate it, didn’t you? Licking me everywhere first time we fucked was a proof of that, you were so eager to taste me then, so eager to use your mouth on me...

You used your mouth on my ears.

You used your mouth on my neck.

You used your mouth on my armpits.

You used your mouth on my tat.

You used your mouth on my nipples.

You used your mouth on my navel.

You used your mouth on my dick.

Baby, I can live a thousand years but remembering that night will always make me hard. Harder than I’m now inside this fag’s mouth.

Ain’t that funny? Cramer’s on his knees, doing his best to make me forget about you; he’s probably thinking I’m so hard because of his talented mouth, and I can just picture you swallowing me, so soft, so warm, so wet, making me come, making me want to scream, making me feel sated, making me feel complete...

That’s it – you complete me, Toby, you’re part of me now, it’s a shame you hadn’t understood that. I’d never kidnap your kids, I’d never hurt you again – it’d be like hurting my own flesh. But it’s not easy to believe in me, huh? I’ve a rep of being a liar, a manipulative bastard, a mindfucker, you couldn’t believe my love for you is the purest and strongest feeling I’d had in my life.

Bitch’s increasing peace, that’s good, that’s perfect, I almost stop thinking of you, but it’ll never happen. You’re in my thoughts all the time, Toby, and you’re here, watching me and Cramer. Maybe I won’t kill him, he can use his tongue again on me later. Would you like to see me killing him, Toby? Everybody always warned you about me, you would see they were right. I’m a killer, I use people for my self-justified purposes, I do what I have to. Didn’t they tell you that? Yeah, they were right.

Are you still here? Geez Toby, you’re really fucked up. One can suppose you get off watching me being blown. But you still have this hurt look, the same I had while watching you and late Mondo Browne. Now you know how I felt then, don’t you?

Cramer lets me go and smiles to me. Bitch doesn’t have the slightest idea of what’s really going on here. Are you going to kill him, Toby? Would you do that for me, babe? There’s anger in your eyes while I caress his neck. Sorry, I couldn’t help myself, I had to push you a little. I know you’re remembering every single time I did it to you. I’m curious to see if CrazyBeecher will be back after this.

What is that, Toby? Are those tears in your eyes? Hum, Cramer wants to kiss now. A perfect ending for a perfect blow job. But I bet you’ll be gone when it ends. So predictable, that’s my Toby. My Toby. You’d better remember that. I’d better remember that too. God, I miss you, baby.

~~~~~~~THE END~~~~~~


( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 24th, 2004 09:28 am (UTC)
Very good, very hot and it made me thinks... For a guy who's supposed to be such a Don Juan, we never saw CHris in action with anybody else than Toby -and Ronnie but that was a murder- and I begin to wonder if he ever did it with a man with something else in mind than killing.

I hope you go on writing this fic. I'll be waiting for a sequel
Aug. 25th, 2004 04:47 am (UTC)
There was that kiss of death on Winthrop during S6, but that's all. Anyway everybody kept telling he was a sexual predator, ain't that funny? Maybe it was true before Toby, but after obsessing over him there wasn't enough space for other guys inside his mind.
I remember Toby asked him about other men while dressing to his son's funeral, Chris said he didn't experience that feeling before. Toby said he was a liar - do you remember that scene? I tried to keep it by using the "it's maily a physical thing" sentence - it wasn't love, just sex. Men seem to know how to separate them all the time, don't they?
A sequel to this fic? Hum, I didn't think about it, this was supposed to happen at same time of "Tasting"... let me think of it, eh? :o)
Aug. 24th, 2004 10:26 am (UTC)
heyyy!! I finally got myself a live journal!! This is Olivia from Beecher-Keller Saga by the way ;) The one from Melbourne! =D

Anyways, wow.. that was hot hahaha!!
Aug. 25th, 2004 04:26 am (UTC)
Re: hoya!!
Hey Olivia, thanks for your words - and I hope you have a great time with your LJ!
Aug. 24th, 2004 12:50 pm (UTC)
Adriana, I absolutely loved this. Chris' yearning is so heartbreaking. And hot. I especially like the part about his memories of the first kiss and his thoughts in the hole. And this:

Let me tell you a secret, he knows nothing about it. Hell is watching you, listening to you, smelling you and not being able to taste or touch you. Hell is understanding you’re so near and yet so far away. Hell is not having you, Toby.

You're fic is heavenly!

Aug. 25th, 2004 04:05 am (UTC)
Awwwwww... thanks, Diane! I think I just had luck while writing some sentences, they seemed to picture well Keller's thoughts. By the way I was going to write you a message, but now I'll say it here: a few days ago you said you'd like suggestions to new vids, and I remembered Depeche Mode song "Only when I lose myself". Do you know Angel's "Lockdown series"? That's an amazing fic, and that song is the "soundtrack" for last chapter. And it's such a beautiful song, I love how Dave Gahan sings it, I think it'd be a great vid!!! In case you don't know the song, it's here: http://www.lyricsdomain.com/4/depeche_mode/only_when_i_lose_myself.html

And the fic is here: http://archive.nu/oz/oz.mv?200089
Aug. 26th, 2004 03:05 am (UTC)
Thanks for the song suggestion. I don't think I've ever heard it, but the lyrics are beautiful ... "your velvet heaven." mmmm. I look forward to hearing the song -- will download or look for the CD.

As for the Lockdown series... you might say I am *intimately* acquainted with it. Although I must need a refresher since you've pointed out the song. Aw shucks, I'll have to re-read it... :)
Aug. 24th, 2004 06:19 pm (UTC)
Nice follow up to Taste. You capture Keller's anger and sarcasm well.

Would you like me to beta this?
Aug. 25th, 2004 03:37 am (UTC)
I'm glad you liked it, Anne! Yes, I'd like you to beta it - I know, it's already posted everywhere, but I'd like to know your comments and advices on it, I'm sure it'll improve my writing on next ficlets!
Aug. 24th, 2004 08:21 pm (UTC)
Good job, Adriana! It's great that you're confident enough to write a longer fic. I like the angst that you put on Keller's voice, very nice. Congrats, and keep writing.:)
Aug. 25th, 2004 03:28 am (UTC)
Thanks, Ana! Probably I'll write fics with many chapters in the future, but not anytime soon, LOL
Keller's angst... do you know when he's looking to Toby and Mondo Browne, that sad look on his face? I kept remembering it while writing this fic. He was having a nice time with Cramer, sure, but it was mainly a physical thing - all the time he was thinking about Toby, looking to him... it was probably a painful experience.
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )